The Soft Art of Letting Go - (Letting Go of Parenting Pressure and Finding Presence in Motherhood)

I don’t know if you feel like this too but there is so much mothering and parenting advice out there. And as a good ol milennial mother I can easily succumb to podcasts, expert’s books and social media tid bits that promise “the path” to raising kids who are conscious, emotionally secure, unconditionally loved, a deep sense of belonging and resilient….the list goes on!

The Self Improvement Generation

Many of us grew up as the generation of self-improvement.
We were taught to research before we rest, to optimise every part of life, to always be striving- EXHAUSTING. We also learned that success meant doing things “right” and getting it right.

So it made sense to me that many of us who are mothering young children right now are carrying this same drive into our family life. The books, podcasts, influences, experts, research articles, the courses. You name it and we are probably doing it.

From a somatic perspective I feel like this is just our sympathetic nervous system holding us alert, scanning for cues of danger, of failure, of judgment. It’s our inner critic whispering that we need to try harder, get it right and not make a mistake. Despite out body and heart needing us to slow down.

Why We Feel So Much Pressure

We’re parenting in an age where information is everywhere. Every scroll offers another method, another opinion, another promise to fix what feels hard. Plus we have family members, friends or even acquaintances sharing their two cents too - and sometimes that is helpful…sometimes (probably most of the time) we didn’t ask for it.

I really feel like this abundance of advice creates disconnection. It causes us to really doubt our own knowing and our intuition. All these quick fixes also prevent us from feeling what lies beneath the surface. The pain, the dysregulation, the childhood woundings.

Our nervous systems are often doing their best to manage not just our children’s needs, but our own unprocessed layers of fatigue, grief, or trauma. It’s no wonder so many of us feel on edge or disconnected.

What Letting Go Really Means

Letting go of the advice and opinions doesn’t mean giving up. It means releasing the tension that comes from trying to control every outcome. It means listening to your body’s cues more than the next headline. It means allowing your messy realness to exist - the tiredness, the tender places, tears, the love that hurts.

When we can release this pressure and holding on we can make space for presence. The powerful act of noticing what’s real in this moment without needing to perfect it.

Letting go is about allowing life to be both/and messy and meaningful, wild and tender, uncertain and yet simple all at the same time.

Returning to Presence

This somatic and mindfulness practice teaches us that regulation begins with simple and loving awareness.
When we are in a body that is always scanning for cues of safety, loving presence can offer the nervous system a signal that it’s safe enough to rest.

This can be as simple as stepping outside and feeling the air on your skin.
Savouring a warm cup of tea.
Letting yourself cry without needing to explain why.
All of these are ways of coming home to your body after years of performing calm or striving for enoughness.

You Don’t Need to Master Motherhood

So I guess I want to remind you that I also get caught in this spiral and that you are not alone. I also want to let you know that you are already enough. That is it ok to slow down, to not know, to rest in the in-between.
Like me it’s ok to feel lost on this journey of motherhood and it still means you are an amazing devoted mother.

Letting our kids see that there is something sacred and totally ok about being in the messy in-between that is far from perfect. For me, I want my kids to not feel that they need to strive from a place of fear. Fear that they will “mess up” or be blamed.

I want them to know that mistakes are part of being human and that life is full of moments that don’t fit neatly into right or wrong. Most importantly that love and belonging doesn’t disappear when things fall apart.

Because when we, as mothers, allow ourselves to be seen in our own imperfection we’re teaching something far deeper than any method ever could.

If this piece resonated, you might love my somatic guides and practices designed to help you come home to yourself in motherhood.
Explore both free resources and deeper paid guides to support your nervous system, soften overwhelm, and reconnect with your body’s wisdom.