Sleep Deprivation in Motherhood: How Exhaustion Affects Your Nervous System & Parenting

Before I became a mother, I thought I understood tiredness.

The kind that comes from late nights or busy work weeks.

But the exhaustion of early motherhood, (especially as a breastfeeding, co-sleeping mother of twins) lives in a completely different realm.

There have been stretches of nights where I barely touched the edges of deep sleep. My body was buzzing, always ready to respond to the smallest sound, while aching for rest.

I chose to breastfeed and co-sleep because it aligned with my instincts, my values, and my desire for nurture. But choice doesn’t make you immune to the impact of postpartum fatigue and sleep deprivation on your body and mind.

How Sleep Deprivation Affects a Mother’s Nervous System

Sleep loss in motherhood is not just “being tired”, it is a nervous system event.

Our nervous system is constantly scanning for safety. It relies on restorative sleep to reset and repair. Without it, the body stays on high alert—heart rate slightly elevated, muscles tense, breath more shallow. Chronic broken sleep can keep us stuck in sympathetic activation (fight/flight) or in the heavy, flat freeze of parasympathetic collapse.

As mothers of young children, this isn’t occasional, it’s daily life. Micro-wakings to feed, check breathing, or soothe a cry all keep the body from dropping into deep rest. Over time, this creates a “tired but wired” state that feels almost normal…until it starts affecting everything else.

The Link Between Exhaustion and Parenting Challenges

When you’re already running on empty, your capacity to parent the way you want naturally shrinks. You may feel:

• More reactive or irritable

• Overwhelmed by noise, mess, or constant demands

• Foggy and forgetful

• Less creative or playful with your children

None of this means you’re a bad mother. It means you’re a human mother whose nervous system is stretched thin.

I remember nights with both babies latched on, my body aching, my shoulders locked tight, and my mind whispering I just can’t do this anymore. Yet morning would come, and I would just get on. My body, however, remembered the strain. It showed up as irritability, tearfulness, and my nervous system in fight.

If guilt and self-judgment show up here, my blog on motherhood guilt and the myth of getting it right all the time might help.

A Dysregulated Nervous System Is Normal for Sleep-Deprived Mothers

This is the part I wish every mother knew:

If you are chronically sleep-deprived, your nervous system will be dysregulated. That is not a flaw - it’s biology.

The body cannot sustain balance without adequate rest. Just as a sprained ankle swells to protect itself, a tired nervous system becomes more reactive to protect you.

Why Tending to Your Nervous System Matters

While we may not be able to change our night-time reality especially if we’re breastfeeding on demand or co-sleeping, we can support our nervous system in other ways.

This matters because our nervous system is contagious. When we’re grounded, our children feel it. When we find ways to regulate ourselves, we model how to come back to calm after stress.

If you’re curious about the body-based approach I use, see my guide to somatic therapy for mothers.

Coping Strategies for Exhausted Mothers

These short, simple practices have helped me find moments of regulation:

• Nature moments: Getting outside with the kids, slowing down, attuning to my senses and breathing.

• The long exhale: Take a slow exhale with a soft sigh to signal safety to your body.

• Touch grounding: Place a hand on your heart or cheek and feel your own warmth.

• Meditation: 10 minutes here or there when kids nap, when my husband has them or when I need to sleep but my wired nervous system isn’t ready yet (free meditations for mothers are here).

• Connection: Calling someone who just gets it and can meet me in the wild forest of motherhood.

They won’t replace sleep, but they give your nervous system small sips of regulation.

A Final Word to Sleep-Deprived Mothers

If you’re reading this through the blur of exhaustion, please know that you are a mother whose body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do… which is stay alert to protect your baby/ies.

With compassion and small moments of tending, you can help your nervous system carry you through this season until rest becomes more possible.