How Can I Be More Present With My Children?
Being present with your children is about so much more than putting your phone away. Presence isn’t just about less distraction, it’s about understanding what pulls you out of the moment in the first place. For many mothers, the reasons run deep: nervous system overwhelm, unresolved stress, and protective patterns that once kept us safe but now block us from connection.
Why Presence Feels So Hard in Motherhood
Your body holds the story of your life. When you are tired, overstimulated, or carrying old wounds, your nervous system may shift into survival states. You might notice yourself:
In fight or flight: snapping, rushing, over-doing, or endlessly tidying.
In collapse: feeling numb, foggy, or watching life from the outside.
In fawn: saying “yes” when you long to say “no.”
While these states are your nervous system’s intelligent attempts to protect you, they do take you away from the very connection you crave with your child.
Beyond Distraction - The Real Work of Presence
When we only focus on surface-level distractions like phones, emails, or chores we miss the deeper truth. Presence is about tending to the inner blocks that pull us away - stress held in the body, the negativity bias that keeps us scanning for danger, and the old belief that we must perform or perfect to be worthy of love.
Learning to notice these patterns with compassion is the first step to changing them.
Somatic Tools for Cultivating Presence
Here are gentle, research-backed practices from somatic therapy and polyvagal theory that help mothers return to presence:
1. Track your nervous system
Pause and ask: What state am I in? Notice your breath, your muscle tension, your thoughts. Simply naming, “I am anxious” or “I feel collapsed,” helps bring awareness and softens the grip.
2. Notice glimmers, not just triggers
Your brain remembers threat more than safety. Begin to notice small glimmers like the warmth of your child’s hand, the sun on your face, the sound of laughter and let them land in your body for 20 seconds or more. This retrains your nervous system towards calm connection.
3. Practice “being with” instead of fixing
When your child is upset, you don’t always need the perfect words or solutions. Presence means grounding yourself and meeting their feelings with openness: “I’m here with you.” This models safety and co-regulation.
4. Befriend the parts that resist presence
Notice when you slip into numbing, scrolling, over-working, or pleasing. These “impasses” once protected you from pain. Instead of pushing them away, acknowledge them gently: “I see you, and I know you’re trying to help.” This makes space for choice and presence.
5. Lean into co-regulation
We are not meant to mother alone. When you reach for safe connection such as a trusted friend, a supportive partner, or even the embrace of nature your body remembers it is held. From this steadiness, you can return to your child with more presence.
The Heart of Presence
Presence with your children is not about perfection and doing it right all the time. It’s about bringing awareness to the moments you have left and returning, again and again, to the body, to breath, and to what is here now. Every time you soften into awareness, every time you notice a glimmer, every time you meet your child with your realness instead of performance you are practising presence.
And that is the greatest gift you can give, to them and to yourself.
Continue Reading
Embodied Motherhood: Rediscovering Your Body on the Journey of Becoming a Mother
Motherhood, Guilt, and the Myth of Getting It Right All the Time
Sleep Deprivation in Motherhood: How Exhaustion Affects Your Nervous System & Parenting
Why Taking Care of Your Body and Nervous System is the Greatest Gift to Your Child
